Fear....

Stressful fear..

Rotten Apples,
twisting your insides,
peeling away,
Your outward Facade.

Bloodied Ice,
clinging to your bones,
unable to move,
Unable to Stop.

Poisonous Snakes,
running through you,
spinning the world,
Tearing you Down.

My whole self,
is against me,
No way to fight it,
I must succumb to the Dark.

I wrote that so I can honestly say that it's not the best poem in the world... But that's what fear means to me...

Anyway a random thought that popped into my head:
Fears don't find you, you find fears.

Cleaning and Dancing..?

Well.. Seems I've found an interest in dance.. Not a big interest, but I've decided to try and learn a few moves... :P (my co-ordination seems to be working against me in this...)
So now I'm cleaning up the whole flat and trying to practice "gliding" while I'm at it...
All I've got to go on is a web video (the link is somewhere in here......), it's pretty informative on the basics of "gliding/sliding".. :) http://www.videojug.com/webvideo/how-to-glide-when-dancing
Anyway I best get back to my cleaning... and dancing... :P I've got lots to do! :/
Bye......

...Burying Myself...

Well my grandparents have come over from SA, for 4 weeks, which I'm really happy about... I would probably feel more happy and comfortable being around my family if they'd stop nagging me about learning to drive... They don't seem to understand that when I'm inside a car it scares me, even when I'm not the one driving...
Anyway... I guess everythings getting to me at home now as well because I'm reading even more than usual or find myself writing all day long, getting lost in everything that isn't painful to me... Yesterday I focussed completely on a book I've just started writing that it went from being 7 am to 4.30 pm in the blink of an eye and then I read a book from 5 pm till 1 am, unable to get to sleep as usual...
I'm so stressed out all the time that; even when they're not on my case, I cannot feel at peace...
I don't know what I'm supposed to say to any of them! When I try to explain myself they either don't hear or say I'm making up excuses... When I don't speak they think I'm sulking, when I do they ignore me!

I know they all want the best for me but why can't they just let me be? I'm stressed enough about trying to find a job, I don't need all the other stuff on top!
They all want me to be 'normal', to get a job, drive a car, dress like a "proper girl" and have a boyfriend, (though one of them has suggested a girlfriend to which I calmly stated I'm not that way)... They expect so much from me but they don't even care to understand me or my view of it all...
I want to be an author but I can't get anything to work or feel right because I've got pressure coming in from everyside about everything!

I just want to be ME!
Can't they see that?

Job hunting... :/

God I hate the very idea of getting a job!

It's like my worst fear and yet... Here I am applying for jobs and wishing I didn't have to...

I have no idea what I'm supposed to say on my introductory letter... I mean what are you supposed to say when all you can think is; NO-NO-NO-no...?

It's like I'm signing away my very being, to complete strangers...

Well... wish me luck.. I'm sending off my first application to be judged and possibly accepted...



Oh and my aunt is pregnant! I can't wait till her litttle one arrives! :}

That's all for now... Bye!

Another random post....

I've finished College!
I still can't believe it... I don't even think it's sunk in yet, but I have finished it.. Ó.ó
I'm 18 and I've finish college! Where did all the time go???! <.<'
I think it's going to take at least a week for that fact to sink in!
Shame almost all my classmates were crying.. :} Even the ones that are coming back in September to do the higher course (which lasts 2 years)!

Oh, and it was my sister's Birthday on Sunday! So our dad booked her to go quad biking on Saturday and we went to see Eclipse on Sunday :) I think my sister enjoyed it a lot ^_^
Though Saturday was extremely boring after watching her go quad biking around..
As my sister volunteered to help out at the Sumerfest at school... So her and myself were basically sitting outside a tent/stall for five hours while a few different bands took their turns in playing music.. The last 2 ('The lost Audio' and 'AWE') were the best in my opinion. :)

Anyway, hope all of you are having as good a time as myself, if not better! :)

Hey! ^,..,^

I vant to drink yer bloood :P
Anyway, so I tried to go into college today even though I'm not feeling well..
One of the TA's noticed that I was paler than usual and went up to the teacher to tell her that I didn't look well.. So the teacher comes over and askes me, "Are you feeling ok? What wrong?" so I tell her that I've got sinusitice (I'm not sure that's how it's spelt) and she looks at me and, "Oh, yes you can see it.." points to my cheek to explain to the TA and continues "You've got cheeks like a hamster.." I'm guessing she means that my cheecks are slightly swolen due to the sinusitice... :P So anyway she sends me home cause I'm not well.. :P
It was so strange... <.< I don't think I've every had someone point out that simtom of the flu/virus thing before... :P
So, yeah.. Today started off really strange..

Oh and more importantly it's my mum's Birthday!
She's going out with her work buddies today and on Saturday were having a party at the house! :D

Hope you're all having a great time! :D

Day three!

And it's still me! :P

So yeah.. I think I'm a little addicted to FooPets :P

Oh and I've started a picture! :D

I'm not sure if I want to add colour to it or not.. Here it is:

I know.. It's weird isn't it?? >.<'

I did alright with the front bit but then the back gets small.. What do you think?

Keeping up with my goal! :P

Man! I haven't been feeling very well lately! :(

I've had a headache since last friday that just won't let up! :/

On the plus side, I've been home from school! :D

Oh, yeah! On Saterday night I got to go see the new Alice in Wonderland movie!! ^_^

It was AWESOME! My favourite character is the Mad Hatter!! :P

Anyone else seen it? :D

Wow, it's hard to get on here everyday! But I will try from now on! :)

Well recently I've been doing quite a lot of drawing, and I've started writing my horror novel. :)

I'm thinking of maybe making a blog and posting a few chapters, what do you think? :)

Oh, yeah! I got to go to South Africa over the December holiday! It was really fun!

As december is their Summer, I got to go swimming a lot and we went to the beach like nearly everyday! It was so fun!

Except for the part where I got a sun burn on my back... <.<' hehe. Guess I shouldn't have layed in the sun for so long! :P

Anyone still on here? :)

How've you guys all been?? :)